Complexity of Identity

In Tatum's essay, the line that stood out to me was,"You know," he concluded, "if I had my eyes closed, I wouldn't have known it was a Black Woman speaking." I can't count how many times I was told that I didn't sound black or that I "talked/acted like a white person" by my white and black peers. Even my family has said this to me (on my mother's side who are all from the south). When I was younger, I tried to prove my blackness to people, until I realized that they were being either racist or internally oppressed. They gave me the white girl identity because my mannerisms were either "too much like white folk" or not black enough. I didn't talk like a black person, like the things that Black people are supposed to like, I liked too many things that White people liked, and did things that white people do. I remember when one of my White friends said that I didn't act like a black person, I said, "Well since you're an expert, what do black people act like?" When he tried to answer he realized that what he was about to say was either really racist or really ignorant. Most likely both. When a Black girl on my softball team told that I acted like a white person, I asked her, "Well how do I act like black?" She realized she didn't really have an answer or she didn't know what to say.

Has anyone ever been in this situation? Why do you think people say things like this? Who told them what makes a Black person, what makes a White person, what makes an Asian person, etc?